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23 December 2004 - 17:05 Every year, Christmas and the closing of the year means something a little different to me... Sure, on the surface it's the same old, same old, but there's always something a little unique about the season. This year, I don't feel particularly christmassy. I don't feel like singing carols and get the glow that one get's at this time of year as I watch the Richard Curtis tinted picture of people deliberating over those special gifts for their loved ones, chosen with every ounce of conceiveable care. I don't have the 'glow of Christmas' and of other people's projected joy around me. But I don't feel like Scrooge McDuck either. Although I'm hoping for a great 2005, I think it's going to be hard to beat 2004. There are small, superficial and relatively cosmetic things I'd change but the big stuff is all set. In place. Good to go... A measure of control is evened by a healthy measure of eventuality and 'the journey'... Maybe I don't need to feel Christmassy this year. Maybe I don't need to wish for a better year next year. Maybe, for the first time in a very, very long time, I am truly and deeply contented with the realities and possibilities that exist within my life. My ex-roomate Barry asks the same questions every year at new year: I think of all the wonderful things that happened this year, I take a lot of memories from the trip I took to Scotland with my Jen. The house I grew up in, the tour guide I played through the Highlands and Edinburgh, the round of golf at St Andrews, the laughing we did. It was the best of times. The very few times, through my unemployemnt, where I felt worthless and unemployable. Stick to the big picture. I'm done until after the New Year. No access to a 'pooter which, to be honest, sounds pretty sweet!
   My life is rated NC-17. What is your life rated? |
