How to make a procrasto
Ingredients:
5 parts competetiveness
5 parts brilliance
3 parts leadership
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add fitness to taste! Do not overindulge!

15 March 2005 - 10:36

"A super hero for the kids in the bottles..."

The one about catching up

Bad, bad updater...

Been run a little ragged of late.

Anyhoo... in a brief history of time...

I found a free mini studio recording system online that I can use to record up to 15 multitracks of creative genius... So far I have been playing around with it, figuring out what I can do, and am well onthe way to completing my first epic work... all this with a single acoustic guitar a crappy logitech microphone and some creative juice. (Beer). With the twiddling of a few e-knobs and the pulling of a few e-effects I have drums, bass, to guitars and nearly my own voice - multilayered of course.

I could go on about the linear tweaking and the eq effectings, but I suspect it would sound like masturbation.

Um.

Yeah.

And two days ago was the St Paddy's day parade... 2nd biggest in North America, I understand only Boston beats us. Which sucks because, let's face it, Boston has had it too good for the last year. In that respect, I'm glad there is no NHL season.. who know...??

Wait - what am I saying? Those big, bad, girly teddie-bear Bruins would have only gone out 1st round AGAIN to the might of the Blue-Blanc-Rouge. AGAIN Got that, Patriot Gumpsoxbruin?

I digress...

...to the parade...

It's always an excuse to heckle the TV and radio personalities that, for whatever reason, stride the asphalt of Rue St Catherine... And gaze in wonderment at the Irish Polish society and the Irish American fire brigade, and the Irish Russian dancers and the Irish... um... greyhounds. Retired greyhounds. Yep. Everyone is a little Irish on St Paddies day.

Which is actually on Thursday.

Still - the Guinness was quaffed - from within a brown paper bag. There's a great law here in Montr�al which states that although public consumption of alcohol is forbidden, police are not allowed to search your bags or stuff for, um, alcohol, I think... something like that. ANyway - the upshot is that you can walk don the street any day of the week, with a beer in hand, provided it is wrapped in, say, a brown paper bag - and there's NOTHING them coppers can do!!! Mwaaaaaaaaaa - you'll never take me, copper...

Point in case:

Picture, if you will, Procrasto standing by side of road, guinness safely in hand - wrapped in brown paper bag. Yum, yum. The Shriners are marching and a policeman reaches into a golf cart removes an UNCOVERED bottle o' beer from said Shriner and places it in the cup holder along with stern finger wagging.

Result?

Shamed Shriner - Drinking AND driving.

Contented Procrasto. Still with beer.

If it had been up to me - I would have cuffed that perp and marched his Shriner ass all the way to the town jail, where I would have encouraged the throwing of rotten vegetables and putrid water at him, before carting him off to Cowansville prison where he would have been someones bitch.

But that's just me.

Get with the paper bag.

Ooooh. I wonder.... **dream sequence**

Kate Winslet is making moving in Montr�al. I must have her. I find a brown paper bag big enough to capture her with. I do so. Policeman walks by. Kate in bag.

"Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour"

"Nothing to see here orificer"

"Ah am lookeeng for la kidnapped Kate Winslet.. Ah see zat you 'ave a Winslet shaped bag 'ere, but, tabernac, it eez complement covered and ah cannot look in eet. Zut alors".

Procrasto and Kate Winslet live happily ever after in a brown paper bag castle

The end.

Of course she would succumb to my dapper charm and earthy wit, but worse case scenario...

So the upshot of the whole St Paddies day parade is a mass of brownbag drunken-ness. I think the most tragic thing I saw was a couple of years ago, I was walking to the pub and there was an older gentleman standing on the street corner, laughing uncontrollably as he urinated while his pants were on.

The big question, as always is: How did the Procrasto end up.

If I told you that I ended up hanging from the rafters of the McGill University hockey arena, screaming my lungs out, you'd think I was 3 sheets to the wind...

Not true.

I did end up hanging, almost literally, from the rafters (it was more of a steel girder) of the O'Connell arena, watching the McGill Redmen being ousted from the Eastern Conference Uni final in the pivotal and deciding 3rd game by Les Patriots de UQTR...

...and that was that.

...but to be fair - I woke up yesterday feeling very snozy and wonky, after having gulped enough beer and smoked enough cheap cigarettes to fumigate Luxembourg.

And today, I feel like I have two heads or something. I noticed on the way to work that people were staring at me as I walked past. I have checked a hundred times. My hair isn't Elvising or Mulletting. I have only one nose. I am not naked. My zipper is up.

It's very disconcerting.

There - we're all caught up now...

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