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Ingredients:
5 parts competetiveness
5 parts brilliance
3 parts leadership
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add fitness to taste! Do not overindulge!

25 February 2004 - 14:19

"A super hero for the kids in the bottles..."

The one about marriage

I was reading this diary and felt compelled to write - not as a reaction or retort - but more to throw an...um...�experienced� **waggles fingers in air to signify inverted commas** point of view out there...

I got married once.

Biggest mistake I ever made.

Not the institution.

The person.

The timing.

The reason for leaping into it.

I actually like the institution. Sure, it�s meaning has changed as we as people have evolved (or devolved depending on how you look at it - that�s another story for another day). Family values aren�t what they used to be. The picture of the man providing for the woman who would eventually bear his children and continue the bloodline under the umbrella of a union blessed by the church and �him upstairs� seems a little dated, right? I really don�t believe that people actually go into it with that vision or motivation anymore... isn�t it a more a consolidation exercise? Hugh Grant has that great line in �Four Weddings and a Funeral� which goes:

�Marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.

Regardless of motivation, though, is the one underlying theme which surely has to exist in order for any couple to consider jumping into some kind of eternal union. Let�s not forget that that�s what you are declaring. ETERNAL. That means forever. Like a tattoo. Only that point seems to be forgotten or have less importance placed on it. Perhaps we�ve all been desensitised to it because we all know that we can get out of it, thanks to that joker card called �divorce�. It�s easy to declare eternity when you know you have an out, right? Anyway the theme I was eluding to above has to be some kind of love... did you ever know of anyone who got married without believing that they weren�t in love? I know I did.

I was horribly wrong, but I believed I was...

I feel like I�m preaching the virtues and sanctity of it all - absolutely not. I guess I�m trying to verbalise my thoughts and understanding of it all...

My story could be told two ways: In hindsight and �at the time�.

�At the time� is really simple. Thought I was in love. Decided to progress relationship and get married. Cheated. Got caught. End of relationship.

The hindsight view is much more complicated...I won�t go into it all, other than my motivation into getting married was so not about love, but about guilt for something else which turned out to be a complete lie. And I am in no way justifying my subsequent actions which ended a sham of a relationship. I did a really terrible thing and I was found out. I�ve explained my thoughts on that subject in previous entries. Looking back, I think I knew that this was not forever. But I went through with it anyway... And that�s the most shameful thing of all.

Why?

Because deep down I really do believe in a monogamous lifestyle and am hopelessly old school about it. I really like the idea of standing up in front of the people that matter the most to you and to state and have your relationship with the one person you want to wake up with for the rest of your days officially recognized. Maybe it takes a mistake (or semi-conscious decision) to make the vision clearer.

Would I get married again?

Absolutely. But I would really examine the �eternity� part and everything that goes along with it. The ups and the downs - the decisions and temptations that we are faced with daily.

And I would be so in love with that person that everything and everyone else fades into insignificance in comparison. On that level.

Because the new meaning of marriage is actually more simple than the old.

�I will walk with you and hold your hand. Always�

It doesn�t need to be any more.

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