OK�firstly � before I go any further, I have to apologize to Misstress and Vbitch for standing them up.

It was unintentional and I am really not that flaky. Although it�s kind of amusing that I received various voicemails though the evening which got less and less comprehendible as the beer/martini flow became evident.

It is somewhat ironic that I wanted to write today�s entry about respect. And to continue with my moan about my sister. You may wish to go to absorb a little history.

Now, obviously I saw her a number of times at the wedding, and she was very, very shifty for the entire time. She was supposed to have moved her stuff out of my condo and into her new place (yes � she found a new place). That was the deal � I would come back to a condo clear of her stuff so that I could officially move in and make the place my own. As should have been the case one month earlier.

So when, on my last day is Scotland, and after waving sister and he boyfriend goodbye, my dad asked me if Julia had explained to me the state of the condo and what I was to expect when I got back, I started to feel my blood pressure rise instantly. He explained that a small amount of things had been moved to her new place, but that basically there were boxes and clothes everywhere. And that he didn�t want to get into the middle of it. I bit my tongue hard. He had witnessed his son getting married the day before and I really didn�t want to create any scene to damage the euphoria. I respected that.

Here�s the thing.

I don�t feel like a single person through this entire incident has respected me. Not one.

I have been expected to roll with this, coz I�m good ol� P, and I�ll just suck it up. Julia will kick and scream like an infant of she doesn�t get her way and the world will back down. She will be allowed to say and do incredibly hurtful things, and no-one will challenge her, because its just easier not to.

Well fuck that.

It�s damn well time to do so.

I had a responsibility, when my lease was up to get out of my apartment, to ensure that everything was out and that the place was in reasonable shape when I left. We�ve all been there and have respected that. Right?

Why is this not the same picture? Why am I being expected to suck this up? Because of family?

Fine. I�m down with that. I love my family. But then one member of your family tells you that you are worth shite, and the family values diminish a little. But still. I�ll suck it up. Because one family member is under pressure and is having a tough time.

And we all need to fucking respect that.

Clearly jetsetting around India for 3 weeks and now swooning around Europe is the epitome of �having a tough time�.

Now for the question that I hate to ask because it sounds so damn whiny.

What the fuck about me?

It was me who ensured that she had every thing she needed to live when she arrived.

It was me who flew to her in Vancouver at the drop of a hat when her problems began.

It was me who made sure that she hooked up with people when she got here and created a social circle.

I never asked for anything in return. Not a single thing.

Except that she respect the fact that I would move in to her temporary accommodation and that she would find something else.

That was all.

Two days ago I got a phone bill�in my name as it had been originally set up. A phone bill for $401.

Yesterday I rented �Confessions of a Dangerous Mind�. And was faced with a $10 later return charge for a video rental she had made before she left for Europe.

I walked home to MY condo. Avoided all the mess and boxes and bags lying around (which they have done now for 1 month) and sat and thought about it.

Is it that she just doesn�t give a flying fuck about me, now that I have served my purpose. Her own brother?

Is it that she thinks I am trying to take something away from her, and as such is punishing me?

Is it that she clearly has a complete lack of respect for anyone around her as to think that she can say and do as she pleases because she is the only one that could possibly matter in all of this, and everyone else can go to hell?

I�m very confused and I realize that the above is a very confused unstructured argument also. I�m just trying to gain some kind of real perspective as to why someone would so blatantly and deliberately torment me with all of these little things.

Don�t I deserve a little more?

Just a little respect?

Even an apology for the stuff being there, and the high phone bill, and the later video return.

Perhaps it really doesn�t matter.

Because I�ll suck it up.

But it really makes me feel like I am just a purpose to her. That otherwise I mean nothing, and my actions and feelings mean nothing.

I feel like somehow she�s laughing at me and sneering at me, and angry with me all at the same time. And I don�t know why.

And it really isn�t a nice feeling.

It�s kind of empty.

And the worse part is that there are some who will allow her to continue like this because it�s just easier to.

�and I feel so guilty about writing this about my own sister.

Please tell me if I�m over-reacting. My perspective is all to hell.

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