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11 July 2003 - 11:56 Dammit. I woke up the morning CONVINCED it was Saturday - even though the radio was blaring with the usual Mix96 morning show crapulance. It wasn't until Mo Holloway started at 8:45 that I realised that I had to go to my monastic cell at work, but also that I was running REALLY late. Luckily I live a 15 minute walk away...but do the math... So I'm floundering around in the bathroom, shaving and washing and wishing that I was Gishnu and had 6 arms to do everything that I wanted to do and for no apparant reason the toilet starts gurgling and coughing. Which is kind of disturbing... it's kind of like a horror movie scene - it coughs and gurgles and you are compelled to shuffle over cautiously and see what comes of it...while the audience screams "DON'T DO IT..."...and some gruesome sight like a hand or an eyeball or something appears from the u-bend... y'know... happens all the time... But it DID get me to thinking about a crazy toilet story I had when I moved from my last apartment. So with a day left before I move out and some new dude moves in, I had a toilet blockage in the worst possible way. That is, I discovered I had a blockage at the worst possible time. I really don't want to have to spell that one out. So I trundled off to Crappy Tire to go get me a plunger to clear the hazard, whatever it was... after much plunging, profanity, and perplexity, I couldn't shift it. But there was no way that I could leave the loo in such a state. I mean, can you imagine the first time a new tenant takes a wizz and flushes, and the depths of all hell rise to meet him? No - that would give me nightmares. I have a good buddy who lived 15 floors up - so I figured I would take the trip and ask the oracle for his advice. So I left the plunger in the toilet with the lid up and ventured up... Of course I was greeted with a beer, which quickly turned into 4 or five...and explained my conundrum. After a few beers, I find that the creative juices start to flow and we came up with an elaborate system of remodeled coat hangers to search and remove.... and when I say elaborate - I mean it..I had the "Ubender", "The Mole", "The Eraser" among others... all hanging from my belt like some kind of exterminator...only to find that where there was a plunger in the toilet, it was now in the bath, and that when I flushed. It worked. Water flowed without releasing THE KRAKEN below. Toilets have a freakin' life of their own. I still to this day have no answer for what happened. All I know is that when a toilet gurgles or coughs, I treat it with respect, and give it what it asks for... Happy Friday and Peace.
   My life is rated NC-17. What is your life rated? |
